A Delta Gamma executive board member at the University of Maryland loses her marbles in an explicit diatribe directed at her less socially apt sisters… And the Internet ROFLs.

Some of my personal highlights:

“If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Julia, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to f*cking find you on campus to do it myself.”

“Are you people f*cking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events.”

“”But Julia!”, you say in a whiny little b*tch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID F*CKING ASS HATS, IT F*CKING DOESN’T.”

“”Ohhh Julia, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird sh*t that does weird sh*t during the day, this following message is for you: DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.”

“Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER.”

Honestly, though, you should just read the thing in its profane entirety.

>> The Most Deranged Sorority Girl Email You Will Ever Read <<

– Sandra

Revolutionize Textual Communication

How often has a concise email been interpreted as terse?  When was the last time your subtle irony was interpreted as wildly inappropriate and anti-PC?  From the “I’m Not Angry” mark to the sarcastises, here are some punctuation marks that would really smooth the treacherous terrains of digital communication:

>> 8 New Punctuation Marks We Desperately Need << 

– Sandra

Understand your neighborhood hipster

This is.  HILARIOUS.  The highlight would have to be the timeline of a hipster’s life.  I have literally witnessed this entire series of transitions in some of the people in my life, and it has to be the most accurate commentary I’ve ever seen on the subject.

>> Hipster <<

And if you want the more high-brow approach, check out this article in Time Magazine:

>> Hipsters: A Brief History << 

– Sandra